Lesson 13

Wedlock, Deadlock Or Headlock?

I Peter 3:1-6

The theme of I Peter 3:1-6, our text for today is still submission! It is a major theme in I Peter given the amount of space dedicated to the subject in such a short letter. To put it in perspective, there are 105 verses in the entire epistle and this section of submission takes up 19 verses (almost 1/5 of I Peter is given to the subject of submission). Peter must think it important.

You need to notice also that the setting in which Peter places all his words about submission is always a non-Christian environment. Specifically, Peter says that we are to have a submissive attitude even as citizens of an unholy government, a workers for an abusive, unsaved boss, like Christ before a wicked court system and, as we shall see today, this also goes for wives with unsaved husbands. Thus, the fact that your circumstances are non-Christian does not release you from the duty to demonstrate an attitude of submission.

In 3:1-6, Peter speaks directly to Christian wives whose husbands are not Christian. Verse 1 begins with "Likewise, ye wives." The word "likewise" means "similarly" and forces us backward in the text to answer the question, "Similarly to what?" The answer is similarly to citizens who are commanded to submit to civil authority even in a world that is hostile to Christianity (v. 13) and similarly to a servant (worker) who is commanded to submit to a master (boss) even one who is froward (harsh and unreasonable) (v. 18) and especially, similarly to Christ who was submissive and sinless even when suffering that the hands of wicked men (vs. 21-23). These are all connected. "Likewise, ye wives."

Now, Peter has something to say to husbands also in verse 7, but we will save that for next week. Today's message is directed specifically to Christian wives.

The Requirement, 3:1a-c.

The text begins simply stating the requirement for Christians wives. "Be in subjection to your own husbands." What does that mean? What all does that involve? Some of you are probably thinking, "I know, you're just going to tell me that I'm suppose to do whatever he tells me to do."

What It Means. Being submissive is much more than just "doing what he says." It involves action but it really begins with attitude. If you say, "Oh, you want a hot breakfast every morning? Well, I can set your Corn Flakes on fire!" -you are really demonstrating an attitude of submission. That's where submission begins. It must start with the right attitude from which the right actions will follow. The word for the phrase "be in subjection" comes from the military world and literally means to place yourself in rank beneath another, in this case, your husband. You must consciously, consistently, purposely, submit yourself and your will to his. It is an attitude.

What It Does Not Mean. Please notice that Peter says that Christian wives are to submissive "to (their) own husbands." That same phrase is repeated in verse 5. Paul uses the same wording. Ephesians 5:22, 24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord... Therefore ... let the wives be (subject) to their own husbands in every thing. Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

The point is that the Bible does not say that women are to be submissive to men. It says that wives are to be submissive to their own husbands. This has nothing to do men being superior or smarter than women. That is not what this means. That is not what the Bible teaches. This is about God's chain of command. And Christian wives are commanded to place themselves beneath their husbands.

Which raises the question, "What about if I am convinced that some action is God's will and he doesn't think so or even care about God's will?" I think that you can state your case, make your appeal - "this is what I think would please God" - and then submit yourselves to either wait for his decision and then to do what your husband decides. When you fail to have a submissive attitude, you interfere with God being able to work directly on your husband. By being submissive, you put the onus on him to be sensitive and responsive to God's will. At that point, he is answerable to God for the decision, he is responsible and he is more likely to respond favorably if he sees an attitude that is sweet and submissive - not one that is demanding or manipulative. The only exception to this rule comes when your husband would try to force you to sin - to do something that the Bible explicitly forbids or fail to do something that the Bible explicitly commands. Example: He tells you to lie. We must obey God rather than man and then must suffer the consequences whatever they may be.

The requirement of Christian wives is to have a submissive attitude.

The Reason, 3:1d.

Verse 1 also indicates that Peter specifically is thinking about Christian wives whose husbands are unsaved. The phrase "If any obey not the word" is not talking about a backslidden husband but an unbelieving, unsaved husband.

Such a man will likely not attend church in order to hear the word and for the sake of the marriage, the Christian wife should not badger, argue or harangue him with the gospel. It's probably not a good idea to tape Bible verses to his beer cans or to call the pastor continually to the house to unload the gospel gun.

Verse 1 indicates that he can be "won without the word!" This verse says that he can won "the conversation (behavior) of his wife." And that is the main reason given her for the submission of a Christian wife to an unsaved husband.

The Route, 3:2-4.

So how does a Christian wife win her husband without The answer is in verses 2-4.

Her Demeanor, v. 2. Verse 2 of the purity of a Christian wife's behavior. She is to be of "chaste conversation". The word used here is translated chaste, clean and pure. It has to do with just being a godly and faithful and holy Christian woman.

The verse goes on to couple with this purity and reverence for God ("fear").

Her Dress, v. 3. It truly amazes me in my study of Scripture to note the numerous times that when God has instructions for women, He says something about her dress. For instance, Paul writes to Timothy about how conduct in the church. He talks about various groups in the church - pastors, deacons, widows, men and women. With regard to the women Paul says, (I Timothy 2:9) "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array." So how should a woman conduct herself in church? She should dress modestly! Isn't that an amazing answer? How should a Christian woman witness to her unsaved husband? She should dress modestly! Amazing.

Concerning the Christian woman's dress, the Bible indicates that there should be clear gender distinctiveness. That's why I Corinthians 11 says that it wrong for a man to have long hair and that long hair on a woman is her glory. God man a distinction between male and female and gender blenders are not in keeping with God's plan.

The Bible also indicates that women should be modest - not revealing and provocative. Since the fall of man into sin, the basic purpose of clothing has been to cover one's nakedeness. And, according to the Bible, nakedness is not limited to totally nudity. For example, when Peter removed his upper garment while fishing in John 21, the Bible calls that "naked." Furthermore, the uncovered thigh on both a man and woman is also referred to as nakedness.

But modesty is more than just not revealing one's nakedness. Dress should not be provocative and alluring. It should not draw attention to your body or to any particular area of the body. You are dressed modestly when someone who sees you is naturally drawn to your face. While it is true that men have a problem with lust, while sinful men can always find a way to lust, it is also true that it is wrong to cause a man to lust. Immodest dress will do just that.

In our text, Peter makes reference to a woman's outward adorning in verse 3. He is not forbidding women from wearing jewelry or nice clothing. What he is emphasizing is that a godly woman should not be preoccupied with such things as hair, jewelry and clothes.

In ancient Roman society there was a preoccupation with such things. Women dyed their hair outlandish colors, braided it elaborately weaving into the braid jewels. They were fond of displaying their wealth with the jewelry and clothes.

It is wrong to be so preoccupied with outward appearance that you overdo it. But it is possible that you become so preoccupied with appearance that you purposely undergo it, too. Valuing inner godliness is not excuse for outer sloppiness. In fact, under doing it will draw just as much attention to your appearance as overdoing it. You have dressed appropriately when your outward appearance simply reflects the inner beauty God has fashioned in you.

And that's what verse 4 is all about. Concentrate on the inward private person; that part of you which is "not corruptible", that is, which is immortal (your soul) which should outwardly manifest itself with meekness and a quiet spirit - with humility and tranquility.

A woman who is preoccupied with her outward appearance, who likes to display her wealth in the way she dresses may get a response like, "Wow! Did you see that rock she was wearing on her finger? That had to cost a fortune?" But according to end of verse 4, when God sees a godly woman who is preoccupied with her inner beauty, He says, "Wow! That woman is herself priceless!" Peter says, "She is of great price in the sight of God."

The Reverence, 3:5-6.

I heard about a guy who said, "Every time my wife and I quarrel she gets historical." "You mean hysterical. She gets hysterical when you quarrel." "No. Not at all. She gets historical. She brings up everything that I ever did that was wrong."

Well, in verses 5-6, Peter gets historical and tells Christian women not to get hysterical. This is the way that the holy women in history who trusted God adorned themselves. They concentrated on the inner person and were submissive to their own husbands. Take Sarah, for example. She obeyed Abraham and she spoke respectfully to him. You are her spiritual daughters, so long as you follow her example and do well and are not "afraid with amazement" meaning alarmed or terrified. Reverence and submission te one's husband is not done out of fear or terror but out of love.

So there it is. Submission in the home.

Marriage is tough enough when both people are believers and God is "in the home." When one marriage partner is not a Christian it makes matters even more difficult.

In our society we have more information about marriage than ever before and yet we have more marital problems and divorces than ever before.

The key to a successful marriage and a happy home is to follow the principles found in God's Word.

Are you?